Children learn by following examples more than they learn by listening to words and reasoning. To calm down a child, you must first remain calm yourself
Raising a child has never been described as easy, but when children feel stress, anxiety, frustration and anger, particular difficulties arise that many parents struggle to handle productively. In many ways, children are just like adults. Many children experience strong emotions, such as frustration and anger, starting around the age of 2. They can express the same range of emotions as grown-ups do. However, a child does not have the same experience and has probably never learned how to deal with these negative feelings, to make them subside and to learn from them. Teaching emotional literacy is a crucial aspect of human development, enabling children to identify and articulate their feelings as they mature. It is important to let your child know that their feelings are normal and understood, and to guide them in responding appropriately.
Introduction to Calming Techniques
Calming techniques are essential tools for helping children manage their emotions and behaviours, especially during moments of stress or frustration. According to the Child Mind Institute, teaching children how to calm down is a vital part of their emotional development and can significantly reduce trouble and tantrums. One of the most effective strategies is taking deep breaths. When a child is feeling angry or overwhelmed, encouraging them to pause and take deep breaths can help them feel calm and regain control. Parents can set a powerful example by practising deep breathing themselves, particularly when they notice they are feeling angry or frustrated. Introducing these calming techniques to younger children helps them recognise and express their emotions, such as feeling angry or frustrated, and gives them practical strategies to manage those feelings. By incorporating calming techniques into their daily lives, parents can help their children develop healthy emotional habits that will benefit them for years to come.
Learn How to Calm Down a Child
Several tried and true methods for helping calm down a child in a composed, thoughtful style have evolved through time. These have emerged with the help of child psychologists, developmental educators and people who have a knack for understanding the needs of infants, toddlers, and preteens. These strategies can be particularly helpful for both parents and children in managing emotions and enhancing overall well-being. Kids may have difficulty regulating their emotions and can display behaviors like tantrums and defiance when overwhelmed. Unfortunately, not every method works for every child. Parents should encourage their children to try different calming strategies to find what is most helpful and effective for them, as what works in one instance may fail in the next.
Be the Calm You Want to See
Children learn by following examples more than they learn by listening to words and reason. To calm down a child, you must first remain calm yourself. It is all too easy to let the emotions of our children spur similar feelings in ourselves. Anger, stress and anxiety can be extremely contagious, and you must recognise this fact. Because of this, some parents have created a rule that discussions about problems do not commence until all parties are calm, collected and in control of their emotions. Setting clear rules like this helps children understand acceptable behaviour and manage transitions more effectively. Parents should wait for their child to calm down before addressing problematic behaviours. When your child loses control, your first instinct may be to put them in a time-out, but sometimes, it is you who needs the time-out. Children may resort to acting out when they are emotionally overwhelmed, so teaching calming skills can help prevent acting out and support emotional regulation. Your children’s frustration may continue if you steal yourself away for a few minutes, but this can work to your advantage when you let them know that you will not help until the tantrum stops. You do not have to separate yourself physically from the child to put yourself in a time-out. A mental time-out works just as well, if not better. No matter how difficult it may be to keep them inside, do not let your emotions surface in front of your children. Show them that problems can be dealt with calmly and effectively. Apply this technique to interactions with your kids and everyone you meet. Losing control of your emotions when interacting with others, publicly or privately, leads your child to believe that this is acceptable behaviour.
Develop Your Child's Vocabulary
Children are not immune to vicious circles of emotions. Much of their stress and anger has nothing to do with the original problem. It is often compounded by not understanding how to express their feelings intelligently. Children who scream, kick, hit and throw objects may not know how to translate these intense emotions into words. You can help an angry child calm down by validating their feelings and listening actively to understand what’s upsetting them. Asking your child to tell you how they feel, what they need, or how you can help is a good start. But if he or she doesn’t know the words to reply, the effort will be in vain. One way to overcome this dilemma is to practice managing anger and stress in situations where it is not present. Ask your children to reflect on recent episodes of rage, and teach them the words they need to express these emotions. Teaching children to express their feelings is a crucial part of their emotional development. Begin with simple synonyms for their feelings, such as mad, angry, peeved, frustrated and furious. Repeat these words when future incidents occur and expand upon them each time.
Another effective exercise is to acknowledge and discuss these feelings when they arise in others. Encourage your child to observe body language to understand better what someone is feeling, as nonverbal cues can reveal emotions that words may not. If you are at a park and another child is showing signs of anger or frustration or is arguing with a parent, ask your son or daughter what they think the problem may be and what possible solutions may be. Putting your children in the role of an analyst will help them analyse themselves. For example, siblings often react differently to the same situation, which shows how emotional reactions and regulation can vary even within a family.
Stimulate Psychological Calm With Physical Calm
The body and mind are irretrievably connected. The physical sensations of your body affect your mind, and your thoughts affect your physical state. Therefore, you can bring about psychological calm in your children by providing them with soothing physical sensations. Begin with a hug. Ask your child to hug you before you take on their troubles. The results of such a simple action will amaze you. Comfy furniture can also be very calming, and nothing works better than children’s bean bag chairs. Bean bag chairs for autism are especially beneficial, as they provide both comfort and therapeutic sensory input. Bean bags are not only comfortable but also fun. They hug the body and provide stimulation from the back of the head to the hands and feet. Bean bags are recommended by doctors for children with autism and sensory processing disorder. Regular active play and exercise can reduce feelings of anger and improve emotional well-being. These activities also help children cope with strong feelings and stress. You can ask your child to sit and read or watch a short cartoon before engaging the problem at hand. Children’s bean bag chairs can also be a fun distraction by using them for games. Most children love the feeling of a sensory beanbag against their bodies. They also enjoy running, jumping and engaging in other physical activities that release excess energy.
If your child throws objects during an emotional outburst, such as throwing a plate at the wall, address the behaviour calmly and help them understand better ways to express their feelings.
Calming strategies like these not only help at home but can also support children in managing their emotions and behaviour at school.
Teach Your Child to Be Aware
Most children do not recognise that they experience little warning signs leading up to the point of an anxiety attack or episode of full-on anger. Discover the specific signs for your child and discuss them with them. Children may clench their fists, become flushed, turn red in the face, or begin talking loudly. Children start developing new emotions around 2 years old. After you talk to your child about these signs, point out whenever you see one and ask if it means they are getting angry or having a problem. Talking to your child will give them something to think about, and it is the first step in teaching them to manage their emotions independently.
Strategies for Different Age Groups
Every child is unique, and the strategies that help them calm down should be tailored to their age and stage of development. For younger children, simple and enjoyable activities like counting slowly, sharing a hug, or reading a favourite book can be very effective in helping them feel calm. As children grow older, they can learn more advanced techniques such as deep breathing exercises, visualisation, or engaging in physical activity to manage their emotions. Parents can help their children identify the physical sensations that accompany feelings of anger or frustration—such as a racing heart or tense muscles—and teach them how to respond with calming strategies. By focusing on emotional regulation skills, parents can support their children in managing stress and anxiety, building healthy relationships, and coping with life's ups and downs. Making these strategies fun and engaging encourages children to practice them regularly, helping them feel confident in their ability to manage their emotions.
Managing Tantrums and Outbursts
Tantrums and outbursts are a normal part of childhood, especially when children are feeling frustrated or angry. In these moments, parents need to stay calm and patient, even when emotions are running high. Using positive language to acknowledge a child’s feelings—such as saying, “I can see that you’re feeling angry right now,” or “You seem really upset”—can help children feel understood and supported. If a time-out is needed, parents should explain the reason clearly and ensure the child understands what behaviour led to the consequence. After the tantrum has passed, take time to talk with your child about what happened. Help them recognise the signs that they are starting to feel angry or frustrated, like clenching their fists or feeling their face get hot, and work together to develop strategies to calm down before things escalate. By guiding children through these experiences, parents teach valuable skills for managing emotions and behaviour in the future.
Creating a Calming Environment
The environment in which a child lives can have a significant impact on their emotional well-being. Parents can help their children feel calm by creating a peaceful atmosphere at home. This might include reducing noise levels, using soothing colours in the child’s room, or adding calming scents like lavender. Establishing a daily routine that includes relaxing activities—such as reading, listening to calming music, or gentle stretching—can help children wind down and manage their emotions more effectively. Encouraging physical activity, like playing outside or practising yoga, also helps children release tension and feel more relaxed. By making the home a calming space, parents support their children’s emotional regulation and reduce the likelihood of tantrums and outbursts. Over time, children will learn to associate certain activities and environments with feelings of calmness and emotional control.
Strategies for Dealing With Emotions
Teaching your children strategies for dealing with emotions will serve them well throughout their lives. An excellent exercise, to begin with, is to have your children take three deep breaths, then count slowly to ten. The breaths and the time will help them relax and distract them from the intensity of their emotions. Practice this strategy at least five times per week for the next three weeks before moving on to something new. The more skills children learn, the better equipped they will be as adults. We hope these methods will help you calm your child. If all else fails, consider buying fluffy bean bags for your child's room! They're so soft and will definitely calm down the most stressed child. Selecting the right decor can also help. Check out these toddler room ideas to create a friendly environment.
Seeking Professional Help
Sometimes, a child’s emotional struggles may persist or become more challenging despite a parent’s best efforts. In these cases, seeking professional help can make a significant difference. Parents can reach out to a pediatrician, therapist, or counsellor who specialises in child development and emotional regulation for guidance and support. These professionals can help identify underlying issues, teach coping strategies, and provide tools to manage stress and anxiety. Early intervention can help children develop healthy emotional habits, enhance their relationships, and better navigate difficulties. For example, with professional support, children can learn to recognise and express their emotions, manage stress, and build strong, positive relationships with others. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength and care, and prioritising a child’s emotional well-being is essential for their overall development and happiness in life.
